I am here mostly because of Mom's arm-twisting.
Remember how Mom came to visit me in Brockport around Halloween? Well, we had fun while she was there: we saw waterfalls (including Niagara Falls, of course!), historical sites (including Jamestown with your famous Indian princess, Pocahontas and Revolutionary War), and Washington D.C. (we even visited one of my old colleges, Gallaudet University, BTW.) We also stayed with my youngest brother and his bride-to-be at their beautiful apartment (there is even a pasture right next door where we could see real horses grazing outside) and THEN a fancy hotel in the D.C. area, where we enjoyed fine dining at one of its elegant restaurants.
Mom bought me a few T-shirts at the gift shops. Mom bought me a whole bunch of new blankets and clothes that includes a snow-white parka with a furry hood. Mom bought me tons of toilet paper, soap, and shampoo. Mom bought me enough food to keep a school cafeteria stacked for A WHOLE MONTH. (In fact, I managed to choke down the very last of beef stew before I had to hurry out and catch the flight to California just last week.) And Mom even bought dinners at the local restaurants EVEN THOUGH I WANTED to buy them FOR HER in the first place! And I never asked for any of that, BTW.
Not only that; Mom also insisted on helping me around the apartment - almost to the point of bullying. And she also did stuff around my place without
my personal permission - like forcing a HUGE package of toilet paper rolls and all cleaning fluids into the tiny cabinet under my bathroom sink. Well, she's supposed to be my guest.
Then Mom asked if I'm ever coming back to California. And counted out how much BETTER California is than New York is. And how worried she is about me being cold in New York during winter. And how she wanted me close enough for her to help me. And how I can have any pet if I want - if I return completely to California. And how willing she is to drive her SUV all the way
to help me move EVERYTHING back to California. Finally, she lost her cool, SCREAMING at me through her tears about how I am living so miserably, that I am risking my own health, how COLD it is in New York, blah, blah, blah.
to continue living in NY for another decade, FYI.)
Not only that; she even got me to buy an airlines ticket to California this December - in spite of the fact I do not want to see my family ever again (and I was still angry with the father for destroying my work on the computer, BTW.)
I actually - and originally - AGREED to this arrangement to stay with my family for MORE THAN A YEAR because I would finally have a clean and safe place to work on my cartoons (I have NOT drawn anything decent in almost two
years because of my personal problems with sleep, money, and comfort as well as epic stuff happening to me in my little apartment from things breaking or malfunctioning to BIG ANTS crawling everywhere in summer to my needing new things from SHOES to utility shelves to hold my stuff now that I have so little
space left.) Not only that; I will finally have a chance to buy my own car! (I have NOT used my valid driver's license in years,
Needless to say, I wrote Mom a long, stern private message on Facebook after she left, complaining about the way she had been treating me (like I'm a helpless little girl with no rights or mind of her own) and she thanked me for telling her how I feel. Good. Now I will not be forced to hug a father who had actually tried to destroy my future more than a few times.
Anyway, I was supposed to clean up my little apartment and prepare it for my LONG period of absence, but I ran into a couple of problems. First, my apartment is now extremely difficult to finish up because it is so small and has too many things in it (and some of the stuff needs washing
now!) Not only that; Mom's well-meaning intentions made it even worse by putting away mountains
of food and NEW things she got me ALL OVER THE WHOLE PLACE! Now it's virtually hopeless!
I not only have so many things weighing down everything I own; there's ALSO loads and loads and loads of fresh food for me to FINISH before I leave for California - and I had less than a month left to do that!
In fact, I have gained about 10 pounds
because of that.
Luckily, I am free to cancel the impending flight if necessary - and Mom is actually willing to accept that, too. I was literally force-feeding
myself chicken and barbecue beef tacos with mixed vegetables in place of lettuce, which I didn't have available and struggling so bad to FINISH my haunted little apartment.
Finally, I have decided I will stay with the family ONLY for the holidays and then return to wrap up my apartment and pack enough cartooning work to see me through more than a year BEFORE I go back to California for a much longer term. And I have taken along only a big carry-on bag instead of using a huge luggage if I WANT to pack my lightbox, projects, fanart, and everything else.
(Know what else? Mom even bought me a couple of EXPENSIVE baggage for the very flight, BTW!)
I just can't believe I have been digging my own grave lately.
That is exactly
why Mom wants me to live with her for awhile; I told her that I am going to give up my dream as a cartoonist forever.
Perhaps Mom is so pushy I LEFT the family in California almost 12 years ago to begin with, but now it seems to be all my own fault.
I guess I suck as a human being and Mom has enough kindness and wealth to crush me forever.